Lyrics

Softened Fingers (2006)

plus contemporary efforts

The Delay Of Lying
First of all I'd like to make it very clear
That none of this bloody mess was my ruddy idea
Despair at Connex, relief at Virgin Trains
Despair on the platform on these tragicomic days

Flick through the broadsheet with disinterested glaze
Take the pill, agree with them that we've seen better days
Re-edify and re-digest into an unsatisfying whole
The blessed kingdom fell apart just like our global role

Each fresh disaster brings meat to the tabloid pack
Your surgically enhanced face is stretched out on the rack
They invade your litterbins and probe the litter you talk all night
And then the Today programme brings new light on old shite

So Tony presided over a Tory Plan B so deft
Play the decent hubby, raise the right and sod the left
He didn't need a cabinet, just some big old planks of wood
Safe industry contacts, safe pair of hands and a safe knighthood

The second man was called Campbell, tossing slogans from the shade
He never got on with Mandy, who always came back unscathed
Don't look under the table, keep your prying eyes away
Just swallow what you're given, yes this is our Third Way

Don't make any sudden moves, Capita is watching you
Though you can buy your performance on tape for a fee
This freedom that we know so well is just freedom to buy or sell
Within the limits of sanctioned policy, of the quango sub-committee.

Health and Efficiency

The people here, they're just meant to be saving lives
But instead we're spending half the day just chasing files
It's all been boiling down to Health And Efficiency
We must be prudent, must cut back effectively and
After twenty-five years of underfunding and neglect
Well what do you expect?

A madman going berserk in A&E
Six-hour waits and the nurses rushed off their feet
You can't open up the beds when they've been sold off
And you can't magick up the staff when they've been laid off
And you can't bring back all the patients who have dropped off
And who'd want to work in the NHS these days?

But BUPA won't let on
That their private healthcare's just a con

You can't just expect quick-fix solutions
When the problem's at the core of the institution
And the improvements that you seek
- well they won't come in weeks, but years
And from the cancer ward to the boardroom
There are voices not being heard and there is doubletalk
And daft performance targets to maximise stress
And half the week without rest.

Climate Dance
Well let me tell you 'bout the climate dance, it's easy to do
You're nervous and you're jumpy cos this world's nearly through
So down some more tea, watch some foreign T.V.
Put your mind on anything but the truth

World leaders got a climate dance so easy to do
You grab hold of that treaty and you tear it in two
Then go back to your people and spin them a yarn
'Bout how the earth ain't gonna come to no harm

We got to cut our emissions by ninety-five per cent
And you can fritter your money but I tell you we're already spent

Big business got a climate dance that's easy to do
Cos all the politicans gonna dance to your tune
And you get the statistics and give them a skew
So you can get away from paying your due

Campaigners got a climate dance like some rapping crew
You talk and then you talk and then you talk 'til you're blue
But it's only when you sabotage their machine
That you ever get a word on the news

We got to cut our emissions by ninety-five per cent
And you can fritter your money but I tell you we're already spent

Warning shots across the bow
Say nature's getting angry now
And look around the plastic world we made

Yeah the righteous got a climate dance that's foolproof to do
You simply nod your head and say "well I always knew"
But the knowledge is wasted when you don't react
So just what good's it ever gonna do you?

Yeah we all have got a climate dance so easy to do
We'd better do it quick or else this disco is through
It's spreading the action and spreading the word
Gotta get the message seen, get it heard

We got to cut our emissions by ninety-five per cent
And you can fritter your money but I tell you we're already spent (x2)

Warning shots across the bow
Say nature's getting angry now
And look around the plastic world we made
Fossil fuel's for fossil-heads
And we're dozing in our prison beds
Instead of working out how to be saved...

Come Let's Be Strange

Come let's be strange as the sky changes hue
Show me your wit and I'll fall in love with you
This fevered punning oh it reels me in I know
Hold my gaze and then
make me laugh again
Oh you're just so.

Come take my hand, be you gentle be you rough
be you anything you want, make me giggle make me cough
Don't you just love the touch of the rain
on your insane face again

I'll sing your name til my throat runs red and sore
Lead on my dear, there's a whole world to explore
Spin me an idea hypothetical and fun
And if I find myself dreaming of yourself
Have I jumped the gun?

I'll give you praise and encourage all your schemes
We'll live our lives to the most eclectic themes
The time is ours to spend as we please
- well it sounds quite nice to me

I'll sing your name til you stop my loving mouth

Spoons

A little pulse of sound reminds me of you
A feedback whistle and a squiggle kazoo
I'd ride my bike round to your house but I haven't got one
The batteries in all my robots may fade
But you recharge me with your timeless gaze
Let's go out to the park, I think there's a park around here somewhere
Rhyme and reason don't serve me well
but I serve you with my head and my hands
and hark! I spy a bond made organically

The little fish they jump in three rows of two
The owls and butterflies come out in pursuit
The breathless fox who just escaped all the grumbloid hunters
You fill my notebooks and my sketchbooks and files
And all the dictaphone accounts of your smiles
I'm scared to show you them in case you might laugh my head off, a ha
Rhyme and reason don't serve me well
but I serve you with my arms and my legs
And your eruditenesssss simply puts me to spoons
Your eruditenesssss simply puts me to spoons

Midi Cassette

You've got all the charm of a tax demand
I can't pay what you want - the figure's clearly wrong
But I know you mean business with your scarlet, white and black
Overdone - I curse my male urges and I curse behind your back

Like a fawn in a man-trap I struggle to escape the sticky floor
The metal tearing at my limbs makes me the meal you've waited for
There must be better specimens – and no I don't know where

Can we talk about something - anything else
Just to take my mind away from your hands
I have to be sick to find myself here
But why else would we stay in this city my dear?

And I've got to get out of this sickening mess
Give me TCP to ease my wounds
Hold on to your values, the skin will rejoin
A wish from the head is worth ten from the groin
And these male urges horrify me
Give me oestrogen to make it sane
Your tools are so crude let me cover my face
But I must say I like the décor of this place
Give me the cassette?

Gloom-Monger

He's as happy as a martyr when the fire won't burn
And he doesn't like the philosophy of live and learn
Complains when he's not chosen but moans when it's his turn
He wants things to go sour just so he can say
"Well I warned you it'd all fall apart this way"
And just don't ask his opinion on modern art or plays
So turn your aspirations down - the Gloom-Monger's in town

You're never sure whose side he wants to be on
And the intellectual tide just floats him along
He gets it wrong on purpose just to prove himself correct
And you'll hear him on the phone-ins from morning till night
He's the catalyst that always sparks off a fight
Yeah he sure knows how to aggravate - he's studied it for years
So turn that smile into a frown - the Gloom-Monger's in town

"Oh woe is me
I backed both sides in the Cup - and they drew
That just shows the state of sportsmen for you"

He hates playing any individual game
'Cause there's nobody on whom to apportion blame
Put his shrink off the profession and his priest feels quite the same
Can you spare some thorns for a crown - the Gloom-Monger's in town

"It's a disgrace
The service in this place - it's too quick
They barely give you time to think about what's wrong with the walls
Oh woe is me
But I haven't decided why today"

He's always got some proverb that means nothing at all
Puts the fear of life right up you when he comes to call
And he sounds like someone's promised to chop off his balls if he laughs
And he thinks his gloomy nature aids longevity
But it's having quite the opposite effect on me
As he spits his bile at yet another triviality
Now what goes up must surely come down - the Gloom-Monger's in town
And I think he can't quite wait till we drown - the Gloom-Monger's in town

Sugarsick

The spinning of the mind, lurching from sugar and stodgy fat.

Pure badness has entered my veins.

Oh no it's the bathroom -

Jewellery Boxes

You disintegrate from public performance
Your attendance in crowds is not welcome at all
Thick acrid perfume pours from your gullet
Into a desperate running crowd
Your morals are non-existent
The depths of the family degradation you sink to
are of course the lowest of the low
I suggest when you reach the very bottom
You put a flag out like Neil Armstrong did back in 1969

Contrary to popular belief
this is no laughing matter
There's a patient upstairs
He is neither human nor an animal
Why are people so cruel, narrow-minded fools
Their perception of something, they should keep to themselves
They should keep it a close-guarded secret
not blurt it out
on the front of the tabloids
every day every week now
Every day, every week, every month and every year
I cry for mankind
I cry for mankind

Don't you know it's so good for you

As active as I may be, I still go home alone
I may entertain the crowds, be full of boundless energy
I still go home alone
I may be legal age
I still go home alone
I have visions of love
for the world and his wife
Still go home alone
For your mum and dad
Still go home alone

(...that there has been no social worker for his family since January...)

I cry for mankind
I cry for mankind

Contrary to popular belief
this is no laughing matter
I am the patient that's upstairs
I'm not human, I'm not an animal
(...allocated urgently to...)
Sometimes it's kind of Victorian
I don't get bored
Jewellery boxes

* * * * * OTHERS * * * * *

Eighties, Vaguely

The summer comes and the summer goes
If I quit work, d'you think anyone would know?
To come and go just as I please
That seems like a quite nice idea
But I'm stuck here

So little time - I've got to show you why
I had a dream – beneath a grey Fens sky
I frittered all my youth away
With comics, sweets and 48k
Well that was okay…

And favourite popstars whose posters you cherished
And bags of sweet candy and fruit flavoured chews
And pets that belonged to a friendly old neighbour
And big beasties that only came on the box

And breakfast cereals with far too much sugar
And coffee that made you burst all hyperactive
And toys that belonged to your best friend from schooltime
You wanted – you saved up – you counted the days

And programmes you watched when you should have been sleeping
And nights spent in blankets with books read by torchlight
And diaries you started and covered with stickers
And best clothes you wanted to wear for all time

Give me my childhood preserved green and friendly
Help me remember what I have forgotten
Lead me on back through the mists of my mindscape
Show me again what it meant to be young

DOCTOR WHO'S COMING BACK

Well he's a groovy clever fella who travels through space and time
He tackles spooky aliens and interplanetary crime
Doctor Who's coming back! Doctor Who's coming back!
Doctor Who's coming back! He's back!

Well he wears the kind of clothes that you might think he's a little crazy
He'll eat all kind of foods but he still likes a jelly baby
Now listen -
Doctor Who's coming back! Doctor Who's coming back!
Doctor Who's coming back! He's back!

Exterminate exterminate exterminate (uh oh)
Exterminate the humans (I don't think so) (x2)

Dispatch the rockets and cherry bombs
Dispatch assassins with fangs and claws
Bring back his body, alive or dead
And bring his companion to warm my bed

So that creepy old Davros better find yourself a place to hide
And that sneaky old Master better keep yourself occupied
cos
Doctor Who's coming back! Doctor Who's coming back!
Doctor Who's coming back! He's back!
And all you underwater maniacs
And all you Cybermen on the attack
Well now you know who's coming back
Just beat it.